TLDR: Long distance tends to have a negative connotation, and I use to think the same thing. However, I ended up getting into a long distance and realized that it works because we make it work. There are a few key things I think are necessary to make it work:
This type of relationship may not be for you, but love can pop up anywhere, anytime. If you so happen to fall in my same shoes, don’t worry, embrace it and enjoy the ride.
For more details, read below.
When I first learned about the idea of long distance I thought it would never work. Why put yourself through it? I would often hear couples not being able to last a few months for many reasons like infidelity, trust and the list continues, so how could it work? It wasn’t until I began traveling and meeting different people that my mindset shifted.
My Love Story
In the Fall of 2017 I studied abroad in Lyon, France. I was living my best life, living on my own, traveling around Europe, going out, planning get together with friends and the list continues. Towards the end of the semester I went to my friend Matthew’s birthday party and a tall, handsome man named Abe approached me. We went on a few dates and I had no expectations of what this “thing” was cause guess what… he lived in Toronto, Canada. I like meeting new people, making friends around the world, but a relationship no way. Nonetheless, we stayed in touch once we returned home. Surely enough a few months later we couldn’t deny that we had feelings for each other. We both had to decide if we would give long distance a shot and I am glad we did.
Being in a long distance relationship it comes with its ups and down like any couple, but now distance is the challenge. Abe and I have learned along the way so here are a few things that I think are extremely important to make the relationship work (It does not go in order):
- In the 2 years I have been with my boyfriend we realized that when things are left unsaid it will not only bring confusion, but it can make the other person wonder. I believe couples should be honest and tell each other anything both good and bad (keeping tone in mind) to build a strong bond.
- If there is no trust, how will the long distance relationship work? When you are apart words matter. Trust is often going to be what keeps the relationship going. Of course, there may be insecurities just like any relationship, but in a long distance relationship your trust has to be solid.
- Yes, it adds up. Honestly, I wish I knew how much money I have invested in my relationship, but it’s been worth it. Having a small fund just focused on the travel and the expense that it brings (accommodation, dining out, activities etc.) is ideal especially if quality time is desired between you both.
- Are you and your partner on the same page? You are separated the majority of the time so discussing certain topics such as the duration of the long distance, who would be the one to move, career moves etc. are important. Goals can change, but as long as you and your partner are in it for similar reasons it will help ease the temporary separation.
- Abe and I have busy schedules and it is important to us to set time aside for each other in-person and apart. As times goes on some things may have to change (i.e. time to call, person flying out, locations etc.) cause it did for us, but we would work around it. At the end of the day, you live in two different worlds, involve each other in it so it doesn’t cause further distance.
Now is this for everyone? I don’t think so. Everyone has their own preference with what they want in their relationships and distance may not be it. I don’t love long distance per say, but I do it because of my strong connection to Abe who just happens to be far away. Long distance is temporary, but in the meantime I have been able to travel more often which is an added benefit. Although this type of relationship may not be for you love has a funny way of creeping into your life, I was truly surprised. So if you find love where you least expect it, embrace it and enjoy the ride.